I wrote several restaurant reviews for The Onion print edition in Austin in 2007. (They’re supposed to be accurate, not too funny.) I have to say I still miss Halcyon and Little Mexico, if I never quite got the Top Notch appeal.

Buca di Beppo

Buca’s, an Italian chain restaurant, hovers somewhere between the Olive Garden and your Sicilian grandma’s cooking. The large restaurant is divided into small “themed” sections, covered with silly photos and knick-knacks that create a funky (if cheesy) feel. Despite the breakdown of the space, Buca’s is bustling, and can be rather loud—fine if you’re dining with the fam, but less desirable if you’re on a date. The relatively standard, Americanized Italian fare—top dishes include chicken saltimbocca, tortelloni, chicken marsala, and frutti de mare—is served family style, and the portions are enough to knock out Tony Soprano. It’s a good way to fill up, but it’s not quite fine Italian dining—more of a suburban substitute. Good for: carbo loading without breaking the bank. Entrees: $10-$30 (3612 Tudor Blvd, 342-8462)

Cool River Cafe

Cool River Cafe’s high ceilings offer the illusion of space, but the place often feels crowded nevertheless. Deer head decorations suggest a modernized hunting lodge; dozens of extra-big-screen TVs suggest a sports bar. The Hummer-driving, thirty-to-forty-something (or more) North Austin yuppie crowd swings the atmosphere toward sports bar, but the kitchen tries hard to churn out sophisticated original offerings. Ancho honey spices up a pork chop, bourbon sundried cherry sauce brings extra flavor to a tender filet, and the spinach artichoke dip tastes like it might actually be made from scratch. While the effort is there, the results are a tiny bit bland. Still, it’s an enjoyable eating experience, and a couple of strong margaritas (just $3 on Thursdays) will help make it all better. Good for: Loading up Dell employees with drinks in hopes they’ll spill company secrets. Entrees $18-38. (4001 W Parmer Ln, 835-0010) -ÐKS

Food Shui

Food Shui’s motto is “Asian food fast,” and the restaurant more than lives up to the “fast” part of the equation. The sleek, minimalist space has more ambiance than most fast food places, making it a pleasant place to grab a quick lunch. One-bowl options are extensive, ranging from pho to vermicelli, and the rice bowls offer a choice of chicken, beef, shrimp, or tofu (not to mention brown or white). Succulent sesame chicken came accompanied by tasty broccoli, carrots, and pineapple complemented by the savory sauce. The coconut curry bowl was a little on the sickeningly sweet side; there are much tastier dishes available. Entrees come with an egg roll, which is crispy and savory without being too oily. While won’t restore complete harmony to your life like feng shui, Food Shui is a safe bet for a tasty, affordable lunch. And portions are huge, so you can keep the leftovers for dinner. Good for: Semi-healthful goodies on the go, complete with fortune cookie. Entrees $6-8. (1700 W Parmer Lane, 339-4545)

Halcyon

Everybody loves bars and coffee shops—what could be better than putting them together? A booze-slinging coffeeshop with food to boot, Halcyon opened up a few years ago in a space that once housed the revered Ruta Maya. As such, Halcyon was greeted a little coldly at first, but Austin’s warmed up to the small, funky space. A recent remodel made the space a little more mod, presumably to cater to the moneyed crowd, but Halcyon remains a friendly place to study or grab a bite. Nearly any drink you can dream up is available, from traditional coffee drinks to fancy alcoholic concoctions to the good ol’ champagne of beers. The drinks (Miller High Life excepted, perhaps) are delish, the food a little less so, though the wraps and paninis are certainly serviceable if hunger strikes. Free wi-fi and a great location round out the reasons to love this dreamlike little place. Good for: meeting up for, before, or after drinks downtown. Entrees $4-10. (218 W 4th Street, 472-9637)

Houston’s

Walking into the cool, dim interior of Houston’s is a welcome relief from sweaty Austin summers. The decor is as demure as the old-fashioned clientele. Skip the long waits by sitting at the bar, where attentive bartenders will set up a mini-spread for you using napkins as tablecloths. Service is long on competence but short on friendly, so come to Houston’s to eat, not gab. And since the entire menu is delectable, you can’t go wrong no matter what you choose. High points include the remarkable Oriental Chicken Salad (shredded cabbage, tender chicken, zesty orange sauce) and the Biltmore Chicken Sandwich (juicy chicken, melted cheese, crispy bun). The hand-cut fries are tiny, crispy, and impossible to stop eating. Good for: Dinner with gramps, or ordering an Old Fashioned in his honor. Entrees $12-35. (2408 W Anderson Ln, 451-7333) -ÐKS

Koreana

Come for the kimchi, stay for the BBQ! All dishes are served family style with tons of banchan, traditional Korean side dishes. Start with Mandoo dumplings (loaded with meat and veggies), yaki-mandu (Korean eggrolls) or the divine hot and sour soup. Once your appetite is raging, move on to the “barbecue” bulgogi: tender beef (or another meat of your choice—try the salmon to be adventurous) marinated in soy sauce, sesame, and ginger. It ain’t the Salt Lick, but it’s worth trying for its own taste. Other enjoyable options include bi bim bab (rice topped with spicy veggies, beef, and a fried egg), shrimp tempura, and spicy bokum squid. Koreana’s relaxed, classy atmosphere features bonsai trees and orchids. Presentation and service are top quality. Good for: A different dining experience in taco-happy Texas. Entrees: $10-$20 (12196 N Mo Pac Expy, 835-8888)

Little Mexico

Little Mexico is certainly smaller than the country, but its plates of Tex-Mex (and even some authentic Mexican dishes) pack a big punch. Huge portions plus plenty of rice, beans, sauce and cheese make dining here a seriously delicious endeavor. The homemade salsa makes gringos grimace, but its bite belies serious authenticity. Little Mexico’s cafeteria-like booths aren’t too impressive, but Mexican art and artifacts help make the brightly colored place more funky and friendly, and identify it as the family-run establishment it is. Order enchiladas and prepare to drown in oceans of cheese; order quesadillas and prepare to be overwhelmed with meaty goodness. Load up on tasty treats and enjoy the Tejano tunes playing in the background (usually recorded but sometimes, if you’re lucky, live). Sit outside by the fountain and cute potted plants for a more fun experience. Good for: Lighting your tongue on fire, filling up on breakfast tacos in a funky atmosphere, possibly running into Jerry Jeff Walker (he has his own queso named after him here). Entrees $7-15. (2304 S 1ST St, 462-2188)

Silhouette

Silhouette is a swanky name, and the restaurant’s decor doesn’t disappoint: fierce red walls are accented by dark brown trim and colorful artwork. Japanese westerns and other movies are projected without sound, further enhancing the atmosphere. Sadly, Silhouette is more of a feast for the eyes than the palette. Rolls are reasonably sized and competently made, but the ingredients are of questionable quality, and too many rolls have an unappealing, overly fishy taste. Stop by for a cheap snack during the hugely discounted happy hours (all day Monday and 11:30 p.m. – 1:30 a.m. Saturday), but pass on this place at regular prices. Skip the drinks, too—they’re creatively conceived (a “wasabi” bloody mary!), but poorly executed (V8 with vodka). Good for: Affordable sushi in a hip downtown environment. Rolls: $10-13, combos $20-$45. (718 Congress Avenue, 478-8899)

Star of India

The walls and tablecloths at Star of India are almost the color of Pepto-Bismol—exactly what you’ll need to soothe your over-stuffed stomach after eating here. A big buffet offers tandoori chicken, crispy samosas, korma, pakora, naan, meat curries, and other Indian food staples that will taste great now but might cause some tummy trouble later. To avoid post-buffet bloat, stick to vegetable dishes (the buffet meats can be heavy and bland) or order off the menu: the chicken tikka kabab, chana masala punjabi, and vegetable biryani are all recommended. Service is slow, but the food (though somewhat generic) is more than adequate, particularly when it comes to portion sizes. Good for: Eating like a snake—you won’t have to fill up again for weeks. Entrees: $8-13. (2900 W. Anderson Lane, 452-8199)

Top Notch

Is it 2007 or 1967? You’d never know at Top Notch, which hasn’t changed in decades. Even the prices are reminiscent of the past. The place is billed as a “drive-in,” but (sadly) the waitresses aren’t on rollerskates, so go in to order—the dine-in experience is a real treat. The place is done up just like your grandma’s living room, assuming your grandma is a hardcore huntin’ Texan. Wood paneling, prairie paintings, and lots of horns keep you company as you inhale char-broiled real beef burgers, not-too-greasy onion rings, thick shakes, and some damn authentic fried chicken. This is the place to go for a cheap, quick, and tasty meal when you’re putting health concerns on the back burner. Good for: A trip back in time—for your tastebuds and your wallet. Entrees $2-6. (7525 Burnet Rd., 512-452-2181)